Last week we continued to look at our stories, but the focus was on our founding story, or our story of 'self'.  Since our reality is based on our stories, and the founding story of the 'core self', it was suggested in the instructions to not get caught up in theorizing,  but instead to be aware of our direct experiences 'within' our story of the 'core self'. as this is where it can impact our 'lived experience' in profound ways.

The instructions also asked us to ask ourselves questions concerning what it is we need and want during the week, and reflect on our responses. All of the reading was significant, but this in-particular struck me:

"The growing complications (and internal conflicts) of the web of stories can lead to a fascinated self-absorption.  The self learns to turn to its own stories for gratification and to make sense of events."

PRACTICE NOTES...

I have been very encouraged in many ways, and motivated by these tsk exercises, but as we headed back home to Nashville on Thursday morning, I was again asking myself what I needed, and what I wanted, and how in the world was I going to be able to make it all happen?  I had to continually remind myself to do what was in front of me to do, and keep it simple stupid, b/c when I don't, I can get all caught up in the stories and details, and get frustrated real quick, and forget my joy for living and just being in the here and now.  The idea behind inquiry is not to frustrate or depress, it is to free ourselves from the solidity of our stories and allow more for immediate experience.  However, I have been setting some goals for myself, and with the setting of goals comes expectations. 

While I am trying to not allow that to affect my being in the here and now, it has been very challenging and difficult to juggle my potential with what is actual.  Many of the challenges and difficulties have been beneficial in understanding the stories concerning my core self.  It's like anything else really, if you want to be a track star, you have to train.  Same thing with performing on a regular basis.  You cannot just ignore your voice and body for years and expect it to be in great condition, just cause your mind has cleared, but at the same time, that is a story based on our limited ways of knowing.  I suppose what is important for me to be aware of, is that while I am 'in training' so-to-speak, the joy of being is always available for me to experience. And if I can 'playfully' experience even the 'details' more openly, and not 'hold' myself to only one focused outcome, then even the process opens up, as well as my projections and expectations...allowing for infinite possibilities...

5100 Evans Nikon1

BACK TO DETAILS...

 While I wondered about how I was going to accomplish what I needed to accomplish, I had to stop thinking in terms of linear time, and just remember to be free in the moment.  As it turned out, several of the things that needed to happen have happened already without my intervention...the universe unfolded... I noticed that when these things happened, iow, when it was obvious that I was going to get what I needed, my mind immediately started wanting more.  It began telling me that I needed more.  It was a struggle and not pleasant at all to learn this about myself.  And I am beginning to see how it is a justifying loop that I get caught in, that has continued to prevent me from actually 'doing' what is needed, by telling myself that I need ______before I can do _____, when in reality I need to continue to do what is in front of me to do and allow the universe to unfold and just pay attention.  While it is not fun at all to get trapped within these 'core' stories, what is great about it, is the awareness that I now have, through time, space, and knowledge, that I am not really  trapped by these stories at all.  Also, I am realizing that even the story that I am rewriting, is not solid, which allows for more freedom to just play and enjoy the direct experience of being.  When I keep that little discovery within my awareness, then whatever I am creating is freer with more possibilities then the limited expectations that my mind can give.

I think the most important thing I have learned from last weeks exercise, is how frustrating and confining life can be within a story when that story is unhealthy and taken as solid.  I am still having some trouble 'making plans' without getting attached to the outcome or the solidity of those plans.  I am still not completely able to play with it, or look at it playfully in any absolute sense.  I find the tendency of getting self-absorbed in all the necessary details of planning.  I think it is b/c planning, and following through with those plans are in a linear time frame, but it is only from the perspective of 'linear time' that we are able to function.  The world is real b/c there is a self to experience it...(paraphrased from TT).  I have not been able to totally 'break free' of the idea that 'this' has to happen before 'that' can happen, or I need this to get what I want sorta thing, but the process is making me aware of all the frustration and limitations of this sort of thinking. It has also made it crystal clear that my immediate experiencing is what is most important, and when it is crammed full of the this and thats of a 'rigid' 'core self', whether they be future or past, I am missing out on the joy of being present now.  What I suppose I am learning how to do, is to make plans, and decisions, but not count on anything being concrete, including this 'idea' of a 'core self' experiencing something 'given', which is quiet freeing on its own...LOL...

I am not sure why I found this so difficult to do at times, except maybe as a reminder for me to just be aware of the process at a deeper level and to be free of restrictive properies, I needed to experience just how smothering they can be.  I realize that I am still analyzing this, but that too is part of the process, and the icing on the cake is being able to flow more harmoniously with being.  

FINAL REFLECTIONS...

As I was posting this just now and reflecting on my direct experiences this past week, I realized just how much of my time was spent in experiencing the immediacy of just being within direct experience...

While I have been very busy with life as it is unfolding, exercising, interacting with family and friends, practicing music, writing...reading and doing tsk exercises, and 'taking care of business, I am seeing how the joy of being has been in the midst of all of it...and while I may very well be discovering a healthy sense of 'self' for the first time in my life that I can remember, I am also opening up to this new adventurous world of infinite possibility with a awe and wonder and deeper appreciation for the 'magic of the real' that is experienced within all of being...space, time, and knowledge...

much joy to all...always, star...


WINTER 2009
Davidu
1.  TSK Course Two - Time (Thoughts, Stories, Self)
2.  Week Two - Thoughts that Establish
3.  I'm Telling (TSK Unit 2, Week 3)
4.  Unit 2, Week 4 - Defining Stories
5.  Models, Stories and Self - Week 6
6.  The Founding Story of the Self week 7

Balder

1.  TSK Online Course (Unit 2)
2.  Watching Thoughts (TSK Class 2, Unit 2)
3.  Telling Stories (TSK Unit 2, Week 3)
4.  Telling Stories 2 (TSK Unit 2, Week 3)
5.  Personifying Thoughts, Embodying Space (TSK Unit 2, Week 5)

Starlight
1.  Time, Space, and Knowledge...(introduction)
2.  Adventures with Time, Space, Knowledge
3.  Noticing Thoughts - TSK Exercise...wk 1
4.  Exercises in Time, Space, and Knowledge...wk 2
5.  once upon a time...tsk exercise...wk 3
6.  once upon a time...turns wk 3 part 2
7.  restoring multidimensionality...tsk exercise wk 4
8.  Memories, Models, Stories, Immediate Experience...TSK Exercise...wk 5
9.  self interpretation...models...tsk exercise... wk 6

 FALL 2008
Davidu
1.  Layers of Mind with TSK
2.  Exploring Layers of Mind with TSK
3.  Space of Memories of Layers and Contexts
4.  Expanding with TSK
5.  Expanding - Revealing the Field
6.  Condensing Experience with TSK
7.  Week 7, Generating Space
8.  Tracing the Tendency toward Solidity
Balder
1.  Layers of Mind (TSK Practice Notes)
2.  Deepening Layers of Mind
3.  Week Three: Exploring Space and Form
4.  Week Four: Expanding Layers of Mind
5.  Subject-Object Reversal (TSK Class 9)
Debyemm
1.  Layers of Mind (TSK Practice Notes)

Rainbow...

listen to the whisper of the whistling wind...
telling you that change, is on the move again...
see the branches on the tree how they bow and bend...
seems we always mold ourselves from what's already been...
breathe and just remember what you really are is free...
open up your heart and mind so you can really see...
dance along your light of day, flowing in this time...
feel the spacious sky above, there's mountains to climb...

wake up, get up, suit up, show up...life is such a gift...
laughing, crying, loving, trying...life was meant to live...
Being free, allowing every possibility...
nothing now to hold you back from living the dream...

outside the sun is rising for you, saying hello...
listen and you'll hear it whisper...get up it's time to go...
you were born to move just like the wind through the trees...
there's absolutely nothing keeping you from being free...
open up to what you are, smile because it's known...
being dances freely into every seed that's sown...
waiting just for you to realize what's going on...

wake up, get up, suit up, show up...life is such a gift...
laughing, crying, loving, trying...life was meant to live...
Being free, allowing every possibility...
nothing now to hold you back from living the dream...

the birds make their own music, and fly in the sky...
what you are is no different, feel your spirit fly...
on the wings of being open up to what you are...
there's no cage that can hold the very gold in every star...
breath and just remember what you really are is free...
open up your heart and mind so you can really be...
dance along your light of day, flowing in this time...
feel the spacious sky above, there's mountains to climb...

wake up, get up, suit up, show up...life is such a gift...
laughing, crying, loving, trying...life was meant to live...
Being free, allowing every possibility...
nothing now to hold you back from living the dream...
StarLight Dancing...

they affect each other...through breath... 

one thing i have realized in studying the scientific findings, is that not only is our brain composed of three brains, or three neural systems (and there is some talk of a fourth forming), the heart and the gastrointestinal track is also considered a neural system or a brain. when they work in harmony there is balance; when they don't, there is imbalance.

the mind seems to be echoes of memory and brain function; everything we think seems to have been conditioned by everything that has touched our consciousness, whether that be body or mind, but not all conditioning is unhealthy because it includes learning to see, learning to walk, etc. our emotions play a big role in our minds and bodies.  when i think of the mind i don't think of it as seperate necessarily, it is more of a focal point, and yet it is only alive 'through' the body as it concerns humans. 

while scientist can measure brain function, they cannot tell us exactly where or what the  mind is.  while neurologist have researched brain dysfunction, there is still so much that is unknown and cannot be explained. miraculous recoveries and feats have been recorded, but also tragedies of great proportion.

i tend to believe that the the mind is not seperate from the body.  that all is consciousness, making appearances as systems of other systems within other systems in this living organism we call life and gaia which constitutes our very human existence.

you might say that our bodies are the expression of our minds, but we cannot leave breath out.  breath seems to be the very thing that connects awareness or presence of mind to the body. breath sustains the body and the mind; it is what keeps both in balance; maybe that is what we really are...breath...maybe that is all there really is...breath...

whatever our minds and bodies are, they are truly the 'magic of the real', and we should learn to appreciate and respect them, and listen to what they tell us as a whole.  just like the mind can sometimes become focalized on something that is not good for us, it can open up also, and allow breath to heal.  breath can carry the flow of awareness throughout our bodies bringing peace and restoring the flow of its own vital energy.

breath is what makes the body/mind alive...
StarLight Dancing...

the breath of being gives us life...
breathing our bodies and minds...
the breath of our existence...
awareness of space and time...
the breath of knowing...breath divine
nourishing all that is...
interconnecting the all of life...
is this breath of bliss...
traceless trace of energy...
exploding in myriad form...
dancing itself into life...
this dream has thus been born...
breath that breathes the magic of real...
this wonder of wondrous gifts...
breath the very substance of life...
and everything that is...
StarLight Dancing...

while I have continued with doing what my body and breath guide me to do, I noticed a freeing.  or loosening of concerning the plans I continue to make, and the healthy things I continue to do for my body, breath, and mind.  Nothing was fixed.  Earlier in the week I had had some concerns about a chronic health problem, TMJ, and spent some time thinking about my options and the possibilities and the problems that 'might' arise, but continued to be aware of staying in the moment and listening to what direct experiencing was sharing with awareness.

I find it quiet ironic how the mind is always ready to make a problem where there is none, how it seems to habitually be in a protective and preventive mode, projecting scenerios of happenings that for all intents and purposes never materialize.  I realized at another level I suppose how this too is based on past memories.

the exercise 'Disowning Tension' was very helpful in seeing these fixed patterns and how they operate, and just experimenting with the idea of the 'self' as part of the 'given', put me back in that floating sense of being interacting and dancing with harmony instead of a sense of forcefulness, or a pushing or pulling...just a feeling of allowing, which filled me with a sense of relaxation and peace.

this too had an effect on my breathing, and I begin to notice how when I am not focused on things so solidly, everything flows naturally, even my breathing, and my speaking voice, as well as my singing voice.  while I intellectually understand that a sense of self is needed to navigate, that sense of self is opening up more to just a sense of being, participating in whatever arises within perception.  that does not mean that I stop making plans or making intelligent healthy decisions, but i am beginning to see how being flows within direct and immediate experiencing of a fluid self and given, where the presentation of appearances feed off each other in a positive flow of energy...like a dance, and it is only when a 'solid self' reacts that this flow or dance is interrupted within the mind, and the body tenses, and being is  knocked out of balance by the rigid focus of the thinking mind.  it then thinks it has to act or react a certain way to gain control of what is 'given'.  it has once again seperated itself from the flow of all that is...the magic of the real.  i suppose you could say, that these ideas and thoughts we have concerning our 'self' and 'others', subjective and objective reality, are exactly what interupts the harmonious flow of just being in space and time.  

i might add too, that when your mind is not focused on all these ideas and thinking... knowing is naturally present. 

it is so amazing just to listen to breath and body; for so long i was so busy thinking, trying to figure this and that out, trying to control everything, using the only knowledge i knew  to do that, which was not based on direct experience, and so my mind was so busy, it did not allow for the light and knowing of awareness, nor for experiencing deeply the fullness of being body, mind, energy.

Practice notes...

being aware of the narrative, and living within it, yet knowing that it is not solid, has had a freeing effect on me this week.  even while I have been making plans, and moving through my life as it unfolds, there has been a stronger or deeper sense of fluidity.  there have been a couple of places where the story seems to be still 'frozen', but I have been paying attention to those areas and inquiring into the very basis for my believing that.  It seems that the mind is very powerful in conditioning the body.  When we believe that something is a fact, we continually
reinforce that with our stories that we play over and over.  and even when we see how nothing is solid, even though it might appear as such, it is very difficult to break free of those destructive habits and stories that we continue to 'inhabit'. 

I was given a special practice to do this week that addresses physical pain that has been helpful (thnx Bruce), it reminded me of the Giant Body exercise.  I began by visualizing my body as cells swimming in space, and paid attention to the areas that seemed so tense and solid with pain.  there was immediately a 'freeing' up of my breathing, and as I continued to release the held to identity of pain being something that belonged to me, or even a me for it to belong to, there was a noticable change in the sensation of the pain, and the 'idea' or 'sense' that there was even a self to claim it...the pain released into a stream of energy and my breath released into a flow of relaxation...

a few times during the week I was overwhelmed with pain, no doubt due to the very fact that I am trying to strengthen the areas that 'over time' have been injured and neglected,  but instead of withdrawing from the pain, or trying to focus away from it, I paid attention to it, and continued breathing and stretching through it.  At times there were the thoughts that weaved the 'old' stories of 'it doesn't matter', 'I can't do this', etc., but I noticed that the 'old' patterns are breaking up and not lasting as long as before. 

What has also been helpful is the 'knowing' that infinite possibilities are available.  I no longer feel confined to being identified with the 'status quo'.  I no longer feel that I have to accept things as concrete realities legislating my life in some predetermined way.  With this knowledge, also comes a sense of being responsible for every aspect of my life.  The decisions that I make, the choices that I make, and the outcomes of those decisions and choices.  At a deeper level, I am realizing that I really do have control over my life.  That my life is not just happening, nor is it some accident of birth, nor is it something that is produced by cause and effect, although it often appears to be just that from the view of time unfolding. 

1.  TSK Online Course (Unit 2)
2.  Watching Thoughts (TSK Class 2, Unit 2)
3.  Telling Stories (TSK Unit 2, Week 3)
4.  Telling Stories 2 (TSK Unit 2, Week 3)
5.  Personifying Thoughts, Embodying Space (TSK Unit 2, Week 5)

Starlight
1.  Time, Space, and Knowledge...(introduction)
2.  Adventures with Time, Space, Knowledge
3.  Noticing Thoughts - TSK Exercise...wk 1
4.  Exercises in Time, Space, and Knowledge...wk 2
5.  once upon a time...tsk exercise...wk 3
6.  once upon a time...turns wk 3 part 2
7.  restoring multidimensionality...tsk exercise wk 4
8.  Memories, Models, Stories, Immediate Experience...TSK Exercise...wk 5
9.  self interpretation...models...tsk exercise... wk 6
10.  core self...tsk exercise...wk 7...

 FALL 2008
Davidu
1.  Layers of Mind with TSK
2.  Exploring Layers of Mind with TSK
3.  Space of Memories of Layers and Contexts
4.  Expanding with TSK
5.  Expanding - Revealing the Field
6.  Condensing Experience with TSK
7.  Week 7, Generating Space
8.  Tracing the Tendency toward Solidity
Balder
1.  Layers of Mind (TSK Practice Notes)
2.  Deepening Layers of Mind
3.  Week Three: Exploring Space and Form
4.  Week Four: Expanding Layers of Mind
5.  Subject-Object Reversal (TSK Class 9)
Debyemm
1.  Layers of Mind (TSK Practice Notes)

What would life be, without mystery?

The magic of the real...

Wonder of mystery becoming...

The ever-changing will...

Adventure on the edge of amazement... 

Being ever dances into...

With the grace of a Ballerina...

Each moment filled anew...

Passion erupts in its pleasure...

Joy explodes into air...

The mystery of breath...infinite depth...

The gift of life present right here...

Here is a myth...someone has claimed...

Who is this someone that speaks?

Being gives voice to silence...

As mind continually seeks...

Who hung the stars?  Who needs to know?

Was it breath that breathed Divine?

Into the nothingness of Space...

Knowledge danced into Time...

To be able to hear the birds sing...

See a rainbow spread against sky...

To feel the wind or the sun on your face...

To know what it is to cry...

What would life be, without mystery?

The magic of the real...

Wonder of mystery becoming...

Ever-changing...still...

StarLight Dancing...

The magical...the mystical...

Is it just a myth?

Or could it be this dance of life,

Is...a precious gift?

A presence that presents itself

In the ever-present now...

Magically and mystically...

Being takes a bow...

It winks because it’s knowing

Is wrapped up with a bow...

It laughs while it is showing...

That there’s no one there to know...

It plays just like a trickster,

Who has forgotten they’re a clown...

And so it cries pretentiously...

And then laughs right out loud...

Pretending as such opposites...

Created senses...feel...

Has Being just forgotten

It’s pretending to be real?

But then again, how is this known...

This mystic, magic, myth?

Dancing itself into Being,

Life...a precious gift...

StarLight Dancing...

another taste of winter,

oh will it kill the spring?

they say that when each blossom dies...

it multiplies its seed...

back and forth and back and forth...

nature understands...

life is balancing itself...

does it have a plan?

capture it in pictures...

a camera in my brain...

taking snapshot images...

invoking joy and pain...

interpreted through language...

is it just a game?

a smile’s a frown turned upside down...

what’s the opposite of rain?

a winter storm has moved right in...

spring’s now wet and cold...

the earth must know just what it needs...

continuing to grow...

ever now becoming...

dancing yin and yang...

can somebody tell me please...

the opposite of rain?

StarLight Dancing...

don’t dress her up in diamonds

don’t string her up in pearls

no need to tease or give her

fancy hair with swirls...

her eyes already sparkle  bright 

her heart is filled with opal white

see her hair...catch the light

the magic of the real is everywhere

it’s tied up in a pony tail

and braided in her hair

with every scrape and cut she gets

let her know she’s loved

here on earth where heaven

is not just a place above

no need for lace or all the frill

no need for stylish looks that kill

no need for plump red ruby lips

or lyposuction on her hips

she’s beautiful the way she is

just love her right and let her live

there’s so much that she has to give

love’s a precious gift...

the magic of the real is everywhere

it’s tied up in a pony tail

and braided in her hair

with every scrape and cut she gets

let her know she’s loved

here on earth where heaven

is not just a place above

she doesn’t need a face lift

her eyelids are just fine

her nose is cute the way it is

her smile is right on time

she will earn every wrinkle

but that’s just part of life          

give her what she really needs

love her through all time

the magic of the real is everywhere

it’s tied up in a pony tail

and braided in her hair

with every scrape and cut she gets

let her know she’s loved

here on earth where heaven

is not just a place above

StarLight Dancing...

Uncreating my reality...

I found this weeks instructions very interesting, in that we were asked  to look at the situations we actually found ourselves in, and to inquire into what we were ‘putting’ into it.  It reminded me of how easily, or rather, habitually I impose upon the present from the very ‘structures’ I draw upon from the past, which in turn ‘creates’ my future/present.  The instructions also asked us to not try to change our positions, but to just be aware of the stories we were telling, and of those very positions that we were positing.  The instructions also made reference to the fact that the whole point of TSK is not to deny our stories, or to get ‘caught up’ in the theoretical arguments concerning the existence of a subjective or objective reality, but to restore a reality, a way of being, in which these most meaningful aspects of our being can again come to the center, and can shape our lives in positive ways.

Practice Notes...

I got one of those new Apple Mac notebooks complete with a full studio where I not only can record my originals with the latest technology, but I can video the recording, publish it to itunes or send it directly to utube etc.  I commented on Bruces’ grapevine that it does everything except vacuum my floor and make me dinner, but since I am just finding out what it does do, who knows, maybe it does that too and I have yet to figure out how...LOL.

What was amazing to me, was that in the past I have always been very impatient.  I have always wanted what I wanted and I wanted it right now, and I never really wanted to go to the trouble of making that happen.  I just wanted to ‘wish on a star’ and poof...and when poof did not happen, I would always convince myself that I really didn’t care or I really didn’t want whatever it was that didn’t go poof, and I’d just give up.  But now, it has become sorta like a ‘living  adventure’ that I am on.  What I am realizing more and more, is that ‘I’ really do create ‘my reality’.  Instead of getting frustrated over trying to figure it all out at once, I am having fun with it.  

When I make the ‘claim’ that ‘I’ as a ‘self’ create the ‘reality’ of the ‘world’ that is experienced, this empowers me not to spend my time in fantasy land, but to apply myself and take responsibility for my own life at a deeper level than ever before, and for me, this means uncreating many things by recognizing the unhealthy and destructive patterns that I have lived my life by.

I have mentioned several times in the past few weeks that my poor little body has been put through the ringer over the years.  Seems I have been accident prone...from falling out of trees to traumatic injuries that required surgeries and everything inbetween...the good news is the body work that I have been doing is paying off big time...by listening to what my body is telling me, I have been able to 'go with the pain' and release it, and at the same time strengthen these muscles and areas that were injured and made weak.  The main thing is...not giving up or giving in... 

Subject/Object...

One of the exercises was to imagine or visualize things.  What I realized was that when I tried to visualize anything, such as my guitar, I could not visualize the guitar by itself...it always arose within consciousness as a presentation of other things too, such as the guitar case, the floor it was resting on, the wall in the background, etc.  The guitar/object that I was subjectively trying to visualize became a subject with objects of its own holding it ‘in place’.  If I could not visualize anything separate without its content, then at a deeper level I had to ask the question of,  how is any appearance really different except in the way it appears?  

What was also discussed within the readings was that even the physical body is an object of sorts, and a subject,  and straddles the between of being in the world and being a ‘self’ in the world.    

The exercise at the end of the reading also asked us to imagine anything in the past and then reverse it to the future, to see the connection between them.  I tried to imagine something that had absolutely nothing to do with past memories, but I could not.  Just as I could not imagine anything from the past that did not have relevance to the present.  This has just reinforced how ‘solid’ and ‘determined’ these memories of the past can be, and how they can ‘frame’ the present and mold the future, allowing only for a limited or restricted outcome.  

TSK continues to require inquiry into my present situation, asking me to honestly look at what I am ‘putting’ or ‘imposing’ on my reality that is ‘carried over’ from past memories...that would be the physical stuff that I have been dealing with.  As I look at the stories within the stories that I inhabit, there is a sense that they are unwinding, allowing for more opening, which in turn is allowing for deeper breathing, which in turn brings about a freeing up of some of the physical pain.  What has been most interesting is the awareness of my ‘body’ as not being separate from that awareness.  It has allowed for a deeper knowing in a physical sense, and an opening up of all the areas that I have held on to so tightly b/c of previous injuries and the memory of them.  

practice notes...

I got a little frustrated today.   Ironic, but it had nothing to do with the fact that I had been trying to figure out how to post the videos that I had made to utube; nor did it really bother me ‘that’ much when I deleted several of the takes I had done, and interrupted the first video I sent to utube, then accidentally deleted it...I knew that there would be a ‘time frame’ in which I would have to apply myself and learn what was needed to be learned to be able to efficiently do what I wanted to do, and so that was cool; I was having fun with it for the most part...what really frustrated me is that my vocals are not right on any of my songs; I am having a very hard time singing and it is coming out forced instead of natural.  But...I am not giving up, and I decided to post the videos anyway, even though they were not up to my standards.  My best friend, and my family, all of which have heard me sing with better quality, of course chimed in wanting to know what the hell is wrong with my voice...LOL...today after struggling with Every Shade of Blue, I noticed how I just couldn’t get the words out like I wanted to, and then there was this stabbing pain in my back so I laid down on the floor and couldn’t get up...OMG...after doing some very painful stretches, I was able to, but I couldn’t stand up straight so I went and laid down on the couch, but I just was so pissed at the fact that whatever it was was keeping me from doing what I ‘wanted’ to do, so I got back up and just kept moving until I was able to loosen up some, and the spasms in my back eased.  Then I said (my favorite word) ____, got my guitar, got on the couch and just started belting out the songs.  I know the vocals are rough...but I decided that is what is needed for the song...after all, it is about a pretty ‘rough’ topic, so why shouldn’t the sound be raw and rough...anyways, I just got over myself and said what the hell...I had it in my head what I thought it was ‘suppose’ to be...instead of just allowing it to be what it is.  Then my best friend came over and listened to it; she had heard me a few months back ‘on stage’, filtered through a very expensive mic and PA system, and wanted to know what was up with that? 

I found myself trying to explain to her what was up with that, but I also noticed that I was not giving a shit (in a good way) about whether or not it satisfied her or not...I just wanted the message of the song to be clear...so that was really cool when I realized that...who really cares if it sounds like a professional cut?  I mean, that is really not the point...maybe my breathing will never be right again...I don’t really know...maybe I’ll lose my voice completely or die of a stroke or from a airplane crashing in my house...who knows?  For my purposes, just getting the message out is enough...if my breathing/vocals get better...great...if not...oh well...lol...at least I am doing something with my songs...whether it matters or means anything is irrelevant...what is important is that I find meaning in the doing, and I do...

Later, I realized that this back pain has a lot to do with my breathing, and so I went with it and spent several hours stretching into and through the pain, feeling my breath loosen up its restriction.  I can actually feel everything getting stronger; whether it will actually help my singing any or not...who knows?  I have made plans to join the local YMCA, that way I can get into actual classes with instructors and further help my body to heal...

I love TSK...it seems no matter what the exercise is it relates to what is going on with me and opens my understanding...while the exercise spoke of what we were 'putting' into our situation, it can just as easily apply to what we are 'not' putting into it...

much love to all...always, star...

WINTER 2009
Davidu
1.  TSK Course Two - Time (Thoughts, Stories, Self)
2.  Week Two - Thoughts that Establish
3.  I'm Telling (TSK Unit 2, Week 3)
4.  Unit 2, Week 4 - Defining Stories
5.  Models, Stories and Self - Week 6
6.  The Founding Story of the Self week 7

7.  Imposing Reality and The Cycle of Seeing week 9

Balder

1.  TSK Online Course (Unit 2)
2.  Watching Thoughts (TSK Class 2, Unit 2)
3.  Telling Stories (TSK Unit 2, Week 3)
4.  Telling Stories 2 (TSK Unit 2, Week 3)
5.  Personifying Thoughts, Embodying Space (TSK Unit 2, Week 5)

Starlight
1.  Time, Space, and Knowledge...(introduction)
2.  Adventures with Time, Space, Knowledge
3.  Noticing Thoughts - TSK Exercise...wk 1 
4.  Exercises in Time, Space, and Knowledge...wk 2
5.  once upon a time...tsk exercise...wk 3 
6.  once upon a time...turns wk 3 part 2
7.  restoring multidimensionality...tsk exercise wk 4
8.  Memories, Models, Stories, Immediate Experience...TSK Exercise...wk 5 
9.  self interpretation...models...tsk exercise... wk 6
10.  core self...tsk exercise...wk 7...

 FALL 2008
Davidu
1.  Layers of Mind with TSK
2.  Exploring Layers of Mind with TSK 
3.  Space of Memories of Layers and Contexts
4.  Expanding with TSK
5.  Expanding - Revealing the Field
6.  Condensing Experience with TSK
7.  Week 7, Generating Space
8.  Tracing the Tendency toward Solidity
Balder
1.  Layers of Mind (TSK Practice Notes)
2.  Deepening Layers of Mind
3.  Week Three: Exploring Space and Form
4.  Week Four: Expanding Layers of Mind
5.  Subject-Object Reversal (TSK Class 9)
Debyemm
1.  Layers of Mind (TSK Practice Notes)