Your Angel...

hey nic, glad you like…love and joy*

GOL…u so silly…thnx for making me laugh, and yes for inspiring me…there would be no poetry without the inspiration…i too, have learned much from u…and can see how wonderful u are as well…we are all students and teachers…

I can remember when I got sober and went to have that talk with my daughter about my ammends to her…she would not allow me to put myself down…she told me straight out…that she always knew my love, that I was doing the best I could at the time, and that I taught her how to survive…

it was a pretty twist on my twisted life at one point, but it made me realize, that we really do learn from the so-called bad experiences as well as the good ones…life teaches us, if we are willing to get honest and learn…

i'm so pleased u like the poem…*smiles…

much love and lots of joy…always, star…

I have an entire blogsite dedicated to recovery…the link is on my hp…

and my story, is actually here…on Gaia…Living in a Bubble…

I'll have 4 years in May…I probably need to actually write another entry and update everything…I'm thinking I did this past year…it might be in the archieves on my recovery blog…but I need to do one here as well…I was pretty schizo when I wrote the first entry…you'll be able to tell when you read it…OMG…the whole world should be glad I got sober…LOL*

It's a very long story, so yeap, better watch out for those flies!  uck!  It is a wild ride that I have also keep a journel of through many of my songs…some of them are here… (esp. Painted Lady and Lady, and Rock a bye Baby).  Hope you want drop your bottom lip and lose it!  LOL

I am still working on my utube blog…it is an ongoing evolving thing…I have so many 100's of songs…I really want to start working on the positive ones…but I feel so drawn to the passion of telling the dark side…that is where most of my experience lies, and I feel what is mostly needed…so many do not want to look at it…especially here on Gaia…maybe I am in the wrong place…LOL…oh well, I'll blame that on the Universe…and I'm not going anywhere till they kick me out on my behind…I don't think many of those in high places to much care for my way of expression sometimes…I understand that they want Gaia to be this positive blossoming flower…but even roses have thorns…our dark side is our creativity…and sure we need the light to shine on it and expose it…but without it…where would our light shine?

ok…nuf said…I am just me, and I will keep on being me…cuz who else could I be?

Hehe!

love and joy*

p.s.  I suppose I do get a little over dramatic sometimes…but hey…special effects are needed…why else would we have them?  GOL…*

thnx Nic…*

tears of love…
tears of love are streaming…
and I have no words to say…
to tell you what you mean to me…
but you have saved the day…
you with your heart and humor…
your preciousness of soul…
have touched something inside me…
it is love…this much i know…
i have felt so all alone…
no purpose i could find…
not really knowing how to love…
escaping most the time…
but here you are…reaching out…
and you are loving me…
tis you that is my teacher…
through tears love is set free…
Starlight Dancing with Goddess Amy…


as you know ms Goddess Amy…after I read what you had posted here and a few other places…I was crying so hard I couldn't respond…so I am sharing what I wrote for you when I couldn't find words to describe what your love and our friendship has come to mean to me…


love and joy*

Nicole, you are one of Gaia's most precious treasures…pls. don't ever let our theological conversations and debates come between our love and friendship…I can be a real wise-ass…and it is really ok to tell me so…when you think I am being one…I will probably agree with you…I am just not into wearing masks these days, and have always been one to say exactly what I think…the cost to my own psychological suffering has sometimes been high…but it never ceases to amaze me how my own honesty eventually frees whatever it is still within my own consciousness that is tangled…soooooo…I must be true to me…IPS just might not be the place for me…and that is what I am re-thinking…maybe I will start my own pod…one thing I really admire about MikeS…he told me that he appreciated me calling him into question…some people don't cuz it rocks there safety net…their little box of beliefs, no matter how big the box or cage…it is still just a bigger box or cage…even if it is an umbrella for all other boxes and cages…it's just bigger not better…

I am pointing to being free from the box and/or cage…that is my purpose for being here…and I have come to see that regardless of whether or not I fit in, have friends, agree with others…or not…that is just play for ego…and while I still have one…and sometimes it does hurt that I seem to be out in space alone with myself…it is where awareness has me…and that is ok, cuz the rewards far outweigh the lack of them…

rewards like you…amy…gia…and so many more…*

I love u…always, star…

I am so glad Amy…we touch each other…all of us that connect at an intimate level…when we allow each other in our hearts, we open a little more…become a little more trusting…a little more accepting…a little more confident that we are ok…that we will be ok…

Yeah, I am pretty use to having my feet held to the fire…I use to participate on this forum, called SDF, my friend from India, who we called Eastern Mystic, ran it…I met so many from every walk of life, all around the world,  every faith…for about 5 years, everyday we would battle it out…seeking awareness…we had a lot of fun…but we were so serious too…LOL…there were some awesome discussions on that forum, lots of information too…and for several years even after it shut down, you could visit the archieves…I cut my spiritual teeth there…and got my ass kicked plenty of times, my mouth use to always drop open…cuz the elders knew how to open that awareness up and make you question your own beliefs…they'd piss you off big time…but we were all real close friends, so we all loved each other…it was a pretty small group…but it expanded my beliefs, opened them up…then my beliefs actually collapsed…I made some really good friends on that forum that I still talk to on occasion…talked to two of them today via FB and email…

Then there is still quiet a few that are on another forum run by the same friend that still go back and forth, but not as much…several of us from the old SDF site came to the same conclusion about belief systems…a very lonely, out-on-the-limb place to be…I grew up there, spiritually speaking, on that forum…had some wonderful teachers…one of my main ones was this older wiser lady we called Chip…she had studied every religion there was…boy did we ever have some great discussions on im, and the forum and through emails…

One of the regulars is here on Gaia, but he never posts anymore, he kinda got fed up with Gaia when all the advertising started, and he comes back every now and then to surf a bit…but he is the one that introduced me to Gaia…and I am thankful that he did…

Anyways, I have gone on and on a bunch…trying to write a book…but I was thinking about it cuz I just got asked about my experience with interfaith dialogue…pfffffffffffftttt…as if…lol…I've been a serious student of truth since I was 8 years old…and had my first spiritual experience when I was 16…and I am…well…older…gol…not that any of that makes me all that…but hey…yeap…I am all that…LOL…we all are…gol…especially us gorgeous goddesses…hehe

much love and joy…*