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Dancing Into Free...

Posted on Feb 7th, 2010 by starlight : StarLight Dancing starlight
Wave

 

Setting aside my models and my constructs for a time...

To look beneath the surface where raw feeling trumps the mind...

To go where I’ve been fearful...to completely go before...

Opening windows to the self now walking through the door...

With feeling comes a knowingness that I cannot deny...

Flowing right through meaning...peeling away the why...

Dancing through this feeling is where knowingness can breathe...

Timeless Being filled with Joy...dancing into free...

Starlight Dancing...

 

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My Little Wooden Bridge...

Posted on Feb 4th, 2010 by starlight : StarLight Dancing starlight
Photo_68

My little wooden bridge...

Opened a world of make~believe...

There was safety and adventure...

From child~hood wounds that bleed...

I remember such sweet comfort...

From the memories of pain...

So many times I’d sneak off...

Playing in the rain...

Never did I ever cross... 

Quiet into that other world...

I withdrew and created...

My own as a little girl...

Reflecting now I wonder...

If I’d ever of survived...

Without that little wooden bridge...

Seen through such child~like eyes...

Starlight Dancing...

This is a link to the story behind My Little Wooden Bridge...

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Lancelot Is Gone...

Posted on Feb 4th, 2010 by starlight : StarLight Dancing starlight
Remor

Your Lancelot is gone... 

                       and yet your tears are crocodile...

Where is your petition... 

                      for the one who fought your battles...

You used him for your purpose... 

                      then you thought he disagreed...

Like a Queen off with his head...

                      your silence brought him to his knees...

What happened to you fighting...

                      for the principles you claim...

For something less important...

                      you raised all kind of cain...

Your Lancelot is gone...

                      and yet you carry on your reign...

Why hasn’t your world crumbled...

                       where is your disdain...

Imaginary battles...

                          were fought on your behalf...

Your Lancelot is gone...

                          I think I heard you laugh...

By you nothing’s been spoken...

                          who will stand and sing his song...

Where is all your passion...

                          now that Lancelot is gone...

                                        Starlight Dancing...

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Modeling...Self~Constructs...TSK wk2...

Posted on Feb 2nd, 2010 by starlight : StarLight Dancing starlight
Mystical_waters__yosemite_national_park__california

I have felt worthless all my life...there has never been a time that I knew who I was nor a time that I had a worthy purpose for being here...


Always scattered...going nowhere fast...and trying to escape some unknown something...trusting no one I continued adhering to, yet all the while rebelling against my own conditioning...


I always felt different...always the loner...I remember times when I was very little...always playing by myself...I grew up believing that no one understood me...how could they? and I began shutting everyone out at a very early age...


Of course...when I began singing on stage at age ten...that was who I was...yet under the very critical eye of Mother...I was always what someone else thought I should be...


Models always dictating who I was and who I would become....shaping my life into concepts of yesterday... guaranteeing that all of my tomorrows would be just as lonely and dark as the one prior...and I was lost inside this darkness...inside this construct that suffocated and dictated and cracked its whip telling me how I had to be...all I had were my feelings...and they were raw...


Along with this feeling of worthlessness, came these illusory ideas that I was special...I was like no other...and this reinforced this idea that no one would ever understand me...no one could...and so I was filled with a longing that I became addicted to...and a life that I never learned how to live...


I was always trapped by feelings...lived in the highs of being on stage and the lows of my lonely life where I as an individual did not matter or exist...I was a show piece...something for my parents to parade around and play lip service to...a game of pretend so that others would think highly of my poor white-trash Mother and her orphaned son of a whore Husband...


I can remember once...we were on vacation...in Horseshoe Bend Arkansas...I had to sing...that was the whole purpose for being there really...we had met some seemingly nice people from Illinois...there were children my age...I so wanted to go and just be with them...to play...I told my Mother that I did not want to sing...and she told me that I was getting up on that stage if she had to drag me by my hair...she meant it...I knew she meant it...what I wanted...what I needed didn’t matter...I was there to fulfill her wishes and desires...I was invisible...I was nothing and she told me that all the time everytime she refused to see me...


Even my singing was never good enough...no matter how hard I practiced or how long...it could always be better...I didn’t have a normal life...but I didn’t miss what I did not know I did not have...and I was not allowed to question...


One thing I suppose I can be grateful for was that the drugging and the sexual abuse stopped when I started singing...


All this pretending to be happy...smile...your on stage...being on stage was the only place that I felt free...pretending became my way of being in the world...and I became that person...she is who I was...


I use to come home crying every day from school...children can be quiet cruel...and they made unmerciful fun of me b/c I played the guitar and sang Country Music...


I had already been oriented into the Church of Christ...and so I was convinced if I was not perfect that I would burn in hell...and so, I relied on my Mother to tell me what perfect was...and she relied on Gods word...was there any other?


What tells me that this is who I am but myriad models of knowledge that I have been conditioned to view as concrete and real?  


These endless models have been constructed on top of other models and self-constructs so intricate to the survival of my story that I believe I must suffer the truth of what these models dictate as real before I can allow myself to let it go...and transcend the pain of my stories...


While models and stories are necessary to navigate...they do not have to dictate destruction and suffering...


TSK Vision has given me a way of inquiring into these very models and constructs that brings them all into question and presents me with another question...


am I free?


At the core of my being is this interpretation of a Self...with stories built up around it and I’s claiming it’s existence at the center of its world...


This Self says I exist...and b/c I do, the world I exist in is real...and so, I continue to exist every day, bringing this solid past into existence over and over again...


When the realness of my descriptions and interpretations  and models and stories are called into question...


a new world opens up...


and a new way of being in that world opens up...


an aliveness and dynamic of Time is tapped into...that allows Knowingness to open to infinite possibilities...


I can imagine that my life can be different...and I can actively participate in the creating of it...



Starlight Dancing...


PRACTICE NOTES TABLE OF CONTENTS

Winter 2010:  "Self in Question II"
January 17 -- March 21

Davidu

 

1.   The Self and Time – Weeks 1 & 2

 

Starlight

1.  Compelling Flow Of Time...TSK wk 1...(winter session)

-----------------------------------------------------

PRACTICE NOTES TABLE OF CONTENTS

Fall Session - "Self in Question"
September 27th - December 13, 2009

Davidu

1.  The Self In Question – TSK Week 1

2.  The Self In Question – TSK weeks 2-3

3.  The Motivation for Knowing – TSK weeks 5-7

4.  Looking for fundamental knowing -- TSK week 8-9

Starlight

1.  The Queen and 'I' – TSK 1
2.  Tyranny of I's...TSK wk 3

3.  Binding Through Identity...TSK wk 4...

4.  A World Given...tsk wk 5...

5.  Forgetting to Remember...TSK wk 6 & 7...

6.  Am I Free...TSK wk 8...

7.  Moments Between Moments...TSK wk 9...


 


 

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Smile...

Posted on Feb 2nd, 2010 by starlight : StarLight Dancing starlight
Azalea

Don’t take yourself so serious...

Don’t you forget to smile...

Not everyone sees the same...

We all have a different style...

If we can learn to laugh...

Especially at our selves...

Joy will more than likely be...

What is often felt...

Starlight Dancing...

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Tagged with: poetry, tsk, self, serious, smile, laugh, Joy, felt

Fall From Grace...

Posted on Feb 2nd, 2010 by starlight : StarLight Dancing starlight
Spiritdancing

There’ll be no one to catch you...

When you finally fall from grace...

You are your own undoing...

Attempting to save face...

The webs you weave the lies you tell...

The plotting done before you fell...

Will all just be a painful memory...


Take my hand extended...

An offering of peace...

Take responsibility...

And let this drama cease...

The wheel has turned off of its spoke...

The whole thing has become a joke...

Put it in the past where it belongs...


Power is illusion...

Respect it is a gift...

You always reap just what you sow...

And so your reaping this...

But you can always rise above...

What ever it is that you’ve done...

If you will just admit it, and move on...


Pride always comes before a fall...

Even a fall from Grace...

When you judge another...

It comes back in your face...

Truth rises to the surface...

Like a lily in a pond...

Let your fall from Grace 

And all be done...


When you have built your world...

On someone else’s pain...

You’ll find that the foundation...

Is an unstable thing...

So we arrive in this place...

With misery that you can trace...

You’re Human and it’s just a fall from Grace...

Starlight Dancing...

 

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Never Alone Again...

Posted on Feb 1st, 2010 by starlight : StarLight Dancing starlight
3851994295_916120253a

My heart is overwhelmed...

My eyes are filled with tears...

I thought that I was so alone...

But then I found you here...

Right there in your corner...

True to your own voice...

By doing so, so gracefully...

You filled my heart with joy...

Your wisdom was far seeing...

Compassion filled with grace...

You spoke such truth in love...

Touching tenderly heart~space...

I thank you for your gift...

Of honesty my friend...

Sharing understanding...

Never alone again...

Starlight Dancing...

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Until You're Real...

Posted on Feb 1st, 2010 by starlight : StarLight Dancing starlight
53269749

You stab me in my heart...

The pain is very real...

I am Human Being...

You think that I don’t feel?

Your viciousness is noted...

Not sure that your love’s real...

Can I trust you with my heart...

I’m not sure how to feel...

Confused and undecided...

Every time I trust there’s pain...

Every time I open up...

Love’s knife stuck in again...

I see your caring heart...

That you’ve with~held from me...

There is fear in Love...

Where there doesn’t have to be...

And yet my gut it tells me...

That you’re not being true...

You can’t be real with me...

Until you’re real with you...

Starlight Dancing...

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Tagged with: poetry, true, heart, real, love, pain, feel, hurt, fear, you

Alive With Time...

Posted on Jan 31st, 2010 by starlight : StarLight Dancing starlight
Pulsar_thumb

Being is not dictated 

                           by a situated past...

Fluidly and flowing 

                          Knowing melts away each mask...

Interpretation binds and traps itself 

                          dead in its tracks...

Being breathes life into Space and 

                          Time gives Being back...

What really is this Being 

                          that can open up to Joy...

Is it Knowingness 

                          that uses space~time as its toy...

Without its limits 

                         Being dances freely in its Space...

Alive with Time a Knowingness 

                         with gratitude and grace...

                                         Starlight Dancing...

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May Your Spring Find You Soon...

Posted on Jan 31st, 2010 by starlight : StarLight Dancing starlight
Spring

You think that I can’t see your heart...

Please know that I do...

Lately its been all over everywhere, it’s true...

Your pain has reached the depths of your own world and overflowed...

If you would just admit some things then you could just let go...

Holding a position of nobility is hard...

And what you do to others while you hold tight goes to far...

Mirror mirror on the wall I too have worn your clothes...

They are the ones of Human Being...

Or so the story goes...

All this goody two shoes, and doing the right thing...

It’s such a tireless, pretentious mask...

That so many insist on wearing...

It only continues to separate...the roses from the weeds...

But roses couldn’t be...of their opposite they too have need...

Saying we’re doing the best we can...

Is just another excuse...

Keeping us from being responsible...

For our own abuse...

Every time you judge another you only indict yourself...

Justice is understanding...all have it within, it is felt...

Maybe the weeds are angels...to assist the rose to bloom...

Exposing its inner beauty...

May your Spring find you soon...

Starlight Dancing...

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